Brokenness

Both yesterday and today my attention is drawn by the word in Acts 19 to the power in the name of Jesus. A team of brothers see St. Paul using the name of Jesus to cast out demons and maybe even heal the sick. They become very interested in this method and decide to try it out themselves on someone who is possessed by an evil spirit. They shout at that person, ‘in the name of Jesus Christ whom Paul preaches’. The evil spirit declares “Jesus I know, Paul I know, but who are you” and pounces on them and chases them out sans their clothes!

Why could Paul use the name of Christ to great effect whilst the brothers had no effect from that name? It is a question I can easily ask myself as I look back on my own life. There were many years when I preached almost the same words I am preaching now with little or no effect. The sermons were appreciated and the jokes laughed at. But a true conversion of heart was extremely rare and even then very short lived.

As I reflect this morning I realise the things that God has done in my life. Earlier though I loved the Lord and knew the scripture, my reliance was on my own self and my ministry was first and foremost a means of self expression and a fulfilment of my need to be appreciated.

Great crisis and great problems swept over my life almost a decade ago. It broke the confidence I had in my own self and ruined my good name amongst men. Desperate, hurting and lost I fell at the feet of Jesus and experienced deeply His forgiveness, mercy and restoring love. Loved by the Lord, held in His loving arms, I deeply experienced great security, enough to surrender to Him fully knowing that relying on my own self is of no use. The word used for this in the Bible is brokenness.

This new relationship with my Jesus and the new anointing infused supernatural power to everything within me and around me. It poured out from within me into the lives of those around me. I had found the fountain of living water. No, no Jesus led me to it kicking, screaming and protesting!

A three wheel driver who testified yesterday at the Kandy meeting explains it very beautifully. He is not Christian but saw the crowds in the Church and was drawn by curiosity. He listens from outside, gradually moves inside over the weeks, experiences a healing from the Lord, is touched by the Love of Jesus which has become real for him and now wants to give his life to the Lord!

Everything belongs to my God

Today I am led to reflect on my inner responses as circumstances and events around me become dark and negative. I hear negative feedback and criticisms as third party information. Immediately my heart moves to judge the people who have supposed to have said these things. Then my inner being jumps towards explaining and justifying my own position to myself and to God. Further, my spirit is lifted up to God in complaining with “you know God what the truth is” prayers. Suddenly feelings of anger break through followed by self pity and despondency. It has become a real roller coaster ride of changing and oscillating emotions. Now I am old enough in the Lord to know that this is a moment where I am called to deeper prayer and more time in the presence of the Lord. So I sit quietly before the Lord and say ‘Lord I come as I am, I know you love me’.

How easily the storms of circumstances obliterate the vision of God! People and events have become so big that they have become huge mountains standing in my way, so much so that I begin to feel that even God is powerless and helpless to do anything about them! The storm has become God. I give this truth to the Lord at His feet and admit my sinful and weak approach to crisis.

As I surrender myself into His hands and invite the Holy Spirit to take over my life and fill me with His power, thoughts from God begin to flood my mind. I am reminded of Jesus before Pilate, and how the Lord was told by Pilate that he has power over him. It certainly looked like that! It was so at one level. But Jesus refuses to agree to His dimension and world view. He says ‘you have no power over me, unless it has been given to you from above’. Jesus was saying that God ruled His life and the circumstances around it, however differently it may be seen, because He was totally surrendered to the will of His Father. This approach of faith was vindicated by the Resurrection and His rule over the whole universe as the ‘First born from the dead’ and ‘head of the Church’. His continued impact upon humanity 2000 years later is the greatest proof that God was truly in control when everything was out of control!

As I accept this truth into my heart, my inner being comes to peace. God rules my life and the circumstances around it. He will take everything and turn it into a blessing. He will fix my sinfulness and flesh with trials and suffering He will permit. He will find a way to greater and greater blessing. As I read today from the words of St. Paul, the Lord reminds me how the greatest enemy of the early Church becomes its greatest hope, because of the intervention of Jesus.

Everything belongs to my God and He would find a way through everything to lead me to the fullness of His plan. Thank you Jesus.

What is true humility?

Today was a busy day when needs of the family intruded into my prayer time. Judging by the responses of people, it was really an idea inspired by the Lord to share a little about the daily journey with God.

A question that has always intrigued me from time to time is the definition of humility. In the past I had mistaken low self esteem to be the model of humility. Denying oneself and being negative about one self was often applauded as great humility because it made other people feel good about themselves, powerful and superior. The best way is to look at the Lord and His life.

St. Paul speaks of how Jesus became empty of His divinity to humble Himself even unto death. This seems to prove the above mind set. Yet if we look at the “I am” statements of Jesus it looks the exact opposite of it. He says I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me. The Father and I are one, or when you see me, you see the Father!

In this context I have come to realise that being humble is to be truthful! Be real, don’t pretend and play games for an image boost in the eyes of others. If my value, worth and love comes from God my Father and Jesus my Lord, what other people think of me really is not that important. Why do I want other people to think highly of me? Those days I thought that I must do it so that they can come to the Lord, looking at my goodness. But if my goodness is not real, it would only be a short term attraction that ultimately ends up with disappointment and pain.

Yet if they see how I desperately seek the Lord, and how real His love, mercy and forgiveness is to me, they would learn to look beyond me and even join me in seeing together the Lord Jesus who is the only one who can truly set us free.